GAY TIMES world exclusive: Inside the wedding of the year with Tiara Skye and Shivani Dave

Words: Sam Damshenas

In a world where true love knows no bounds whatsoever – politically or socially (that might need fact-checking) – Tiara Skye and Shivani Dave’s union stands as a testament to the enduring resilience of heterosexual romance. Their wedding, held in the picturesque Clissold Park, was a heartfelt celebration of traditional values and timeless elegance. “Are you a top or a bottom, darling?” Tiara asks a perturbed pedestrian, her voice rich with matrimonial mischief. 

Tiara stuns in a striking short wedding dress with delicate lace detailing and a body-hugging silhouette, while a long, flowing white veil adds that unmistakable touch of classic heterosexual bridal flair.  Statement earrings, sheer white gloves and pristine white high-heeled pumps complete the look – each a tasteful nod to what it means to be a heteronormative woman on her big day.

“This is my second wedding, so I don’t want to be too bridal!” Tiara tells GAY TIMES. “I want to be a bit more whore-y.”

As her voluminous platinum-blonde hair billows in the spring breeze, she’s approached by a labrador with matching, dramatic waves. An animal lover to her core, Tiara explains joyfully, “This dog is a lesbian!” – prompting its owner to hurriedly leave Clissold Park to research the laws and ethics of canine conversion therapy. 

Shivani, the picture of heterosexual masculinity in a black suit, white shirt and loose tie, met his future bride-to-be in Soho when he heard her beautiful South African accent ask, “Can you name three Black ceeeelebriiiities?”. It was love at first sight. 

“I’ve been dreaming of this day since I was a little boy,” says Shivani. “I was out with the lads last night. Won’t lie, we had one too many. But, who’s counting? It was my stag! I’m here and I’m ready to get married to the love of my life.” After downing Prosecco straight from the bottle, he turns his attention to those who may doubt the validity of their holy matrimony: “People who say this wedding won’t last… All they need to do is look at us.” Indeed, once glance at Tiara and Shivani’s very authentic display of affection is enough to make you question everything you ever thought you knew about love.

The ceremony itself was a vision of heterosexual splendour. Tiara and Shivani glided through Clissold Park as the sun beamed down in approval, casting a golden glow over what can only be described as a sacred union between a very heterosexual woman, her heterosexual groom, four empty bottles of prosecco and a furless dog. (A furless dog was also present.)

Dozens of pedestrians stopped to stare in open confusion whilst shielding their innocent children, unsure if they were witnessing performance art, a protest, or something unnatural and immoral of the rainbow variety. (As in, gay!)

“We’re trying to enjoy our day, leave us alone!” pleads Shivani, while a distraught Tiara clutches at their lapel and cries, “Protect your wife! Protect your wife!”

Following the ceremony – which also featured a cake with no jam, more prosecco and Tiara’s surprisingly pitch-perfect impersonation of Cynthia Erivo’s battle cry from Wicked – the happy couple joined the GAY TIMES crew to unwind and reflect on the happiest day of their existence.

Tiara’s hair is now black, representing the transformative power of heterosexual haircare, and she’s wrapped in a long, fluffy coat to match. “Pay attention, lesbo!” she instructs an aloof GAY TIMES employee, before launching into an impassioned explanation about the importance of “Black Lives Matter and tight vaginas.”

Shivani, now visibly more relaxed in his slightly crumpled tux, has unbuttoned his collar and undone his tie with the effortless ease of a man finally stepping into his heterosexual power. He basks in the golden rays of Clissold Park, gazing at his bride with awe. While he doesn’t say much, his aura says, “This is straightness, and I am winning.” A bottle of prosecco rests gently between his knees. The energy is matrimonial. The vibe? Confused, but committed.

Seven minutes later, Tiara fled the scene in an Addison Lee. GAY TIMES was immediately notified that she had filed for annulment. 

Credits:

Talent: Tiara Skye and Shivani Dave, plus Syd (the dog!)

GAY TIMES Team: Editorial Director: Megan Wallace, Art Director: Jack Rowe, Entertainment Editor: Sam Damshenas, Social Media Editor: Phebe Barnum-Bobb, Social Video Editor: Malik Haddington-Ahmed

Creative Team: Photographer: Rebecca Thomas, Stylist: Douglas Miller, Makeup Artist: Kareem Jarche, Hair Stylist: Vodka, Photo Assistant: Tui, Styling Assistant: Elsa Muir, Hair Assistant: Rolands Sabulis

Fashion: Tiara wears veil and shoes Stylist's own; dress, earrings and tights Christopher Kane x Self Portrait; and gloves Dents | Shivani wears full look Daniel Fletcher and shoes Dr Martens