Words by Katie Baskerville

"What does a lesbian bring on the second date?"

 …

"A U-Haul."

Some forty-five years ago, comedian Lea DeLaria famously made this joke, marrying lesbians and U-Hauls 'til death they do part. However, it's believed that the “urge to merge” was formally coined as “U-Hauling” in a 1990s Atlantic article by journalist Shauna Miller — the term describing the pacey speed at which women who love women move when happening upon romantic love.

During times of heightened homophobia, moving in together was a means of concealing romantic partnerships from prying, hateful eyes. Today, though things like gay marriage and trans rights are admittedly slipping into backward momentum, the lamented trope is laughed at knowingly, fondly, and generously. So, what's the problem? Well, I'd argue that the stereotype has some deep-seated sexism at its heart and, in the interest of dismantling it, I think we need to talk.

You only need to type “U-Haul” into a social media search bar to find the fast-love phenomenon spoken about at great length by queer-culture commentators and comedians alike.

“This is the most classically lesbian thing you can do,” Ashley Gavin, an American comedian, told a wheezing crowd in 2022, after finding two exes seated together at her gig — despite breaking up six months earlier.

“One of them probably U-Hauled with another one and broke up again in that time period,” Gavin probed, only to fall about laughing as the pair confirmed that that was exactly what had happened.

Others, such as TikTok user @kenna_bethany, describe being horrified by the concept, telling her followers, “What do you mean? You’ve known them five minutes and they’re moving in?... It feels like a recipe for disaster.”