Bigger, harder, faster, longer? Talking to the gay guys with a taste for girth

From fetishisation to close encounters of the size queen kind, Bailey Slater explores the perils and pleasures found in the world of the well-endowed.

Words by Bailey Slater

Does size really matter? It’s a debate that’s been tossed about from the comfy sofas of many a daytime television show to countless internet forums (one of the biggest for gay men, LPSG, is an acronym for Long Penis Support Group) for aeons now, most likely generating a few column inches in your group chats, too. A big package is undoubtedly an asset, often valorised for its fulfilling sexual properties, synonymous with dominance and masculinity, and also seen at times as a challenging conquest for the self. Though what this means outside of the bedroom, and indeed the porn industry, is a little more complex. 

Back in October, Cera Gibson – a TikToker and queer woman – took to the internet with the definitive TED Talk on hung discourse. “I don’t think you know how big 12 inches is,” she says, waving around her tape measure for scale. “Where is that going? Not in here!” She goes on to say that, while 6 inches is allegedly fabulous and 8 is simply too big, 9 to 12 exists in a range of sick-day-worthiness to being “completely unethical”. According to her estimates, the average girl will take 3 inches easy and 5 inches if she’s a pro, but what about the average gay?

For Jay*, Cera's scale is light work. He’s hesitant to adopt the ‘size queen’ label for fear of sounding conceited when, really, it’s just that “bigger holes sometimes take a little more to fill”. Into the challenge presented by toys, penises or hands – one recent inflatable purchase was so imposing it landed him in A&E with a suspected internal rupture, though he was thankfully given the all-clear – Jay is constantly pushing his sexual limits. He thanks the porn consumption of him and his fellow girth-hunters for their willingness to explore, “whether we like to admit it or not.”

"If it’s not going to make my eyes water or my legs shake then maybe I don’t want it."

He also, he admits, likes the challenge of a girthier partner. “I think the whole dom/sub dynamic plays a role in size too, if I’m being submissive I like whoever’s topping me to be bigger in all areas – and if it’s not going to make my eyes water or my legs shake then maybe I don’t want it,” he says. “I know that sounds probably quite shallow, but if I’m spending 20 minutes in the shower before meeting them, I want to leave feeling like I’ve achieved something, y’know?”

Rather than being discouraged after the aforementioned inflatable incident, Jay tells me he regrets nothing, and knows he will get there in the end. “I once slept with a man who had an 11-inch penis according to his Grindr, though I’d probably say it was around 9 or 10 inches, and I took it like a champ,” he recalls. “I think if you’re aroused, you warm up properly, you use plenty of lube and you’re communicating all the way through then it should never be painful. Overall it just comes down to what you’re into.”

Monster Top Cock never thought of himself as a pornstar when he started making content centred mostly around, well, his monster cock. “I was just a random guy trying to entertain myself during the lockdown,” he says. “I went for a name that expressed what made me different, and that was the size of my dick.” Looking back, he wishes he had gone for a porn star name after all, something that represented his whole self, rather than his admittedly large genitals.

As you would expect of anyone with such a moniker, videos featuring penile-milking contraptions, teary-eyed throat-fucking and squealing bottoms are par for the course. “That’s what people want from guys with big dicks,” he says. “They want us to be dom tops.” Monster had admittedly never choked or slapped someone in the face before starting his account, but quickly realised it was what his audience wanted to see. As he was unlocking this new fetish, the subscribers began pouring in, and he now boasts an account with a reach of over 300k.

Of course, the pressure to fulfil the fantasy can be overwhelming at times, especially when personal sexual interactions crossover with his work. “It’s even harder when you are a content creator because guys don’t only expect you to top, but they also expect you to fuck them like you do in your videos,” he says. “They don’t realise that what we show on X or OnlyFans is a performance designed to tap into your fantasies. It’s not how we actually have sex – most of the positions are too uncomfortable to do them for real pleasure.”

"When you are a content creator guys don’t only expect you to top, they also expect you to fuck them like you do in your videos."

This keen awareness of the fantasy is echoed by Craig*, a submissive bottom who has been left unfulfilled after several of his more sizable hookups. When it comes to self-pleasure, Craig keeps tabs on the well-endowed side of Twitter/X’s amateur porn scene, as well as the porn site TimTales, known for showcasing the “sexiest naked Men, biggest Cocks and horniest bareback gay action in the net”. The endeavour has netted its girthy namesake, Barcelona-based star Tim Kruger, an audience of close to a million on X alone, his replies brimming with horny viewers hoping to share in the pleasure of his impalings, performed or otherwise. 

“I do recognise that it’s not real life”, says Craig, aware of the trade-off at hand. “I’ve come to realise sex is more than just penetration and having a fun, intimate, pleasurable experience beyond top/bottom with whatever size is the main goal for me,” he says. “It’s just not realistic to take a big dick all the time.”

Chasing this elusive high of girth can lead to some truly fascinating realms, as Jay points out when referencing the penis modification community. Representing a more extreme side of this fetish, its participants make use of penis pumps, stretching techniques (known as jelqing) and sometimes even surgeries to supply their boundless girth. “I think pumps can be fun in the moment, but I draw the line at saline injections,” he says. “It just looks really sore and painful.”

“I follow a guy on Twitter who has a very inflated penis but it seems he can never get hard or insert it into anything, I think it’s interesting to watch but it’s not something I’d say I’m into,” he continues. “I think at some point you have to accept what you’re working with and just run with it, there’s a penis for everyone and there’s a person for every penis.”

"I actually have had more painful experiences with guys who aren’t so large but who just don’t know how to use their appendage."

Friends Nathan* and Harry sit at similar ends of the spectrum when it comes to these modifications. For Nathan, a “realistic size queen”, the idea of a sexual partner using a pump definitely stresses him out. “They look weird, aren’t natural and suggest an insecurity about the guy’s size, which is not attractive.” Harry agrees, telling me he would find the apparition of a modified cock fairly shocking. Though he’s generally pro-choice about the sizes that pass through his bedroom, he does, however, resent the practice of being misled on hookups where the other party has exaggerated their size. “I’m not gonna make someone ashamed that they’ve got a small dick – unless they’re into that,” he explains. 

As with all fetishes, people enjoy such a variety of different bodies and sizes, girth may just be one line on a very long ticklist. As one of the pre-eminent stars in the gay porn industry, Josh Moore aims to cater to this range as best he can. Asked if he’s ever had to endure a painful session knowing that it might be worth the footage in the end, he believes it’s not as cut and dry as big equals bad. “I actually have had more painful experiences with guys who aren’t so large but who just don’t know how to use their appendage,” he says. “I find larger can actually feel much more comfortable than small and skinny with a jackhammer behind the wheel, if you know what I mean.” 

To Moore, something of a seasoned professional when it comes to taking cocks large and small, the debate is all about working with what you have and, of course, “knowing how to use it well.”